it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
