I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
