Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When are your genitals available?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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