bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
We need to get me chipped asap
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
