I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
