Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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