fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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