How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
