found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
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