New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
