I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
