Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
