mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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