Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize