You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
