I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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