Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
