what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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