I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
