I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
