I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
