So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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