hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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