i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
