meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
