Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
