Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
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