after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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