used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
