you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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