my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Welp...herpes.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
