NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
