i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
