you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
