Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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