Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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