What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize