It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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