yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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