Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
