I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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