Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
