i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
