You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
