Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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