real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
