my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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