Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
