While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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