His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
