If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Can you repeat that, but with context?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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