dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
