he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
