pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
