Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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