i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
