i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize