dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
