hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sober January is a disaster.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
