I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Shitshow foam night was such a success
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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