im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize