We're like a lot better than the average bears
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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