he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
