I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The feeling are messing with the penis
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
